• Local Man Buys 10,000 Cases of Series 4 Minifigs, Says He Still Needs More Hazmat Guys

    "The stack of cases was as high as the ceiling, I was worried it would fall over" said Alwina Kolodner, Fred Meyer Cashier #2417 - Police provided this fuzzy security camera image of the unidentified man checking out with his loot.

    Today a local man, who remains unidentified, bought what appears to be all 10,000 Cases of Lego Series 4 Collectible Minifigs allocated for North America. Sleeping in the parking lot of a local Fred Meyer distribution center for weeks he was perched at the loading dock as the truck rolled in. The man was reported to have said “I would have been at the dock but the smell of the ocean made me queasy.” according to Lego trucker Gary Martini. Martini added “I thought it was strange when he backed his minivan up to my truck, but he insisted that he had already worked out the details with the clerks at a nearby Fred Meyer retail outlet.”

    Vicki Stone, Assistant Store Night Manager of the Fred Meyer in Skynomish reported that the consumer had the store clerks up all night scanning a UPC code into the Fred Meyer cash registers. “The registers won’t let you scan once and type in ‘600,000’, it’s all got to be hand scanned. Half my clerks already had arthritis and carpal tunnel and this wasn’t helping their health, but he was insistent and we do believe that the customer is always right.”

    When asked by Fred Meyer staff why he needed all these minifigs the local man was reported to have said something about a massive Werewolves vs. Frankensteins battle at this year’s BrickCon Lego convention and then hastened to add that he had 4,999 friends who wanted 2 cases each. When approached by a 7 year old boy and his mother looking for a few minifigs, the man sent them to the MegaBloks display and told them to “deal with it”. Store clerks reported later that the MegaBloks display was damp from tears, but they added quickly that this was typical and likely unrelated to the massive minifig purchase. Store staff reported that the man did appear to be willing to give away as many lawn gnomes as possible and kept muttering something about “why do I need so many tiny Fishermen” and/or “what do lawn gnomes need with a fishing rod”. Apparently it was hard to tell as they were tired and he was muttering.

    Danish police are investigating the matter including trying to understand why an entire continent’s supply went through one Pacific Northwest chain’s store. They’re also monitoring eBay for sales of Lawn Gnomes to try and catch the perpetrator though it remains unclear if he actually broke any laws. “Det var det nemlig den gårdsplads hen til pådømme” said Kristian Løkke Thulesen Rasmussen, Billund Police Chief.



  1. Dover says:

    wait, so you don’t like the lawn gnome? I think he’s a pretty cool dude

  2. Hillel I knew you were a crazy man, but that’s bat-shit insane. Soon you’ll be a stock-holder in product ownership alone.

    So it begins, the Minifig Mafia, controlling all the minifigs!

  3. John Carraro says:

    That gave me a good laugh, thanks. I would have created the same story in light of the fallout from the previous box buying backlash. What I really like is the fact that some people (even adults) will believe this. BTW 2.99 is way too much for these little turds, IMO.

  4. Bricko says:

    Okay, that was moderately funny (and pretty well-written to boot), but damn, you really want every single person who opposed you in the previous fallout to think you are one colossal, smelly turd of a douche, don’t you? Seriously! I was on the fence about the whole thing, but now you’re kind of losing my support here with the rubbing it your faces approach.

    Oh well. Suppose it’s your blog and you can do what you want. But how wise is it to keep alienating people? I guess it leaves you only with people that think the same as you, so it might have some wisdom in it.

  5. Robotslave says:

    Isn’t it considered bad netiquette to not disclose it’s your own site when you post your link Brick Leader? Especially when you only created the account to post said link? Not even a hello first…if it was my site I would delete it lol. But it is not so hi there. Nice to meet you too.

  6. Moebius says:

    Although I recognize this is a joke, and a well done one at that, it still perfectly exemplifies why we don’t advocate Hillel’s behavior in previous posts. Under his logic something like this is totally justifiable and representative of the adult Lego community.

    Even with this post we can see humility is certainly not one of his traits. But at least this time his stupid post is rather limited to this blog so no fires will have to be put out across the online community.

  7. Thomas Garrison says:

    “The registers won’t let you scan once and type in ’600,000′, it’s all got to be hand scanned. Half my clerks already had arthritis and carpal tunnel and this wasn’t helping their health, but he was insistent and we do believe that the customer is always right.”

    Yep, that’s pretty much Fred Meyer. The only digital cash registers in the world that won’t let you scan once and key how many copies to ring up. If they have to have inadequate tech (and have the clerks spend as much time apologizing for it as scanning) why not use a hand-cranked cash register? At least those make a cool “ding” sound when you total. Probably too advanced for Fred Meyer. . .

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